It's over!

Friday, May 23, 2008

The 2007-2008 school year is officially done.
Summer has finally arrived.

I don't believe it's actually sunk into me yet, that I'm done with the year. That I'm not going to have to wake up for Madrigals in the morning for 2 1/2 more months. That I'm leaving to Calvin Crest in only 21 more days, and that the only schoolwork I have is my AP summer homework.

This is good.

Graduation yesterday was heart wrenching. Truly, heart wrenching. Walking around the field after the ceremony was done made me realize that I'm going to be standing in the senior's spots in 2 years. I only have 2 more years to accomplish everything I had set out to do in high school. I'm halfway done. I'm going to be an upperclassmen in the fall. It's unbelievable...

Well, now that the summer is upon us, I have big feelings this summer is going to be one that brings a lot of changes into my life. I've been feeling that way for a while, I just feel like this summer is going to bring something, or someone into my life that is totally unexpected. But in a good way, unexpected. Not like "oh-my-gosh-I-wasn't-expecting-that" type of feeling, but a good feeling. A real good feeling =)

I have a lot of stuff on my mind, and really should talk to someone about it, but I don't think I've found the right person yet. Yes, I have amazing friends who would listen to me talk...but I just don't feel like I know the right person yet.

Summing up how I feel right now would take an eternity.

Is it weird that I started writing a song about a girl who's physically abused by her boyfriend? It's in no way based off of anything or anyone I know, but I just started writing and it came out. Not really what I was aiming for at all...but it sounds nice put together. And the chord arrangement makes a good mood for the song.

Maybe it's based off of that movie we watched in English, "Speak." One of my now top movies that every teen should watch. The storyline revolves around a popular girl, who is raped by a senior high student at a summer party after her 8th grade year. She is so traumatized by it, that she can not speak about it. The movie shows her healing process, and eventually a year later, revealing her secret about the student that raped her. Almost made me cry, and Kristin Stewart is an amazing actress.

Anyway, I want to sit and talk and relax, and just reflect on the year.

I want to go to Calvin Crest, sit at campfire and play my guitar.
I want to eat a grape Popsicle and stargaze.
I want to spill my heart out and be heard.
I want to find someone that really understands me.
I want to bundle up in my blanket, lay outside, and write music
I want to be alone, but be with someone at the same time.

I want to feel like I used to.

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others. "

Respectfully submitted,