My Best Thoughts

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

come to me at night.
or at least that's what happening right now.

I had a sudden "craving" of a sort to do my first double blog today, and post some more. I'm tired of dealing with all this crap on my mind, so I'm going to get it out short, sweet, and to the point.

If none of these make sense, don't bother asking me about them. I probably will never get back to you. Sorry =[

So, here it goes. As of June 3rd, 2008 here are the top 10 things that are on Leah's mind.

#10: AP Summer Homework
Okay, so I know a lot of kids don't worry about it, but I had to be one of those paranoid freaks who is afraid of failing an AP class and ending up as a Wal-Mart cashier. So I'm trying to work my way through my two novels/3 assignments as soon as possible. I don't want to end up doing my homework at summer camp. It's okay, it's kind of interesting...but it's just not my cup of tea. I just hope somehow God will enable me to finish this stuff and let me live my summer in peace.

#9: The Reality TV Show "Legally Blonde: The Musical, The Search for the Next Elle Woods"
Okay, so I know that Reality TV shows are complete crap, but for once they do one that I actually want to watch and keep up with. For mainly the reasons that I love Broadway, and one day if I'm lucky enough I aspire to be on Broadway. Really, given if my voice becomes a powerhouse/belt, I get experience acting and singing on stage, and I'm extremely, extremely lucky. I would kill for a spot in any Broadway musical. So, this show is cool to me. It's nice, it's funny, and the girls are so talented. I'll probably end up blogging about the coming episodes in future blogs, so keep posted.

#8: JUNO
I just watched this movie, literally 2 hours ago and fell in love with it. It's so cute, and Juno is hilarious. I loved loved loved it. I can see myself owning this DVD in the future. The movie send a good feeling to me, and ironically enough I was watching the MTV Movie Awards earlier and Ellen Page won the award for Best Female Performance for her role in Juno. Snaps to you Ellen, for making my Tuesday night one that I will remember for quite a while.

#7 Madrigals for next term
I'm not going to post a lot in this section, because if I start I'm going to start ranting about how much our high school sucks and what not, but I'll try and not fall of topic. I have mixed feeling about mads next year. I'm happy I'm in, I'm excited for the music, for my friends, and for the memories that I'll make. I'm bummed however, about the work ethic of those chosen few, who will remain unnamed. So thanks to you, you're entering a world of hard work, music, and early mornings. Hopefully you'll work harder in this class than you did in English last semester.

#6 Mrs. Swift (English Teacher)
I think it might be possible to say that Mrs. Swift is amazing. I walked into her class hating English with a passion and walked out with a changed mind, and possible heart. She opened up to me, and I ended up talking with her after school about stuff I don't think I could have ever trusted my friends with. She's a rebel, she's hilarious, and she's going down in history as one of my top English teachers.

Okay, so I know I've posted about the book before but I have a super craving to go see the musical a.s.a.p. I love it. But you know what's even better? My cousins Justin and Brittney told me once the San Francisco company opens, the three of us will go see Wicked together. I love it. Like I said, my obsession with Broadway is growing, at a steady and fast pace. As of today, the top 3 shows I want to see on Broadway are as follows, 1) Wicked 2) Hairspray and 3) Rent/Phantom (I can't choose!) Before I die, I will have seen all three of them. I promise.

#4 My Song Writing
I really want to write music. I want to be able to write music again, like I used to. But every time I sit down and start my lyrics, they always wind up about the same thing. And I don't want it to be about this..."thing." I want to write something different but it just always falls back to this "thing" that doesn't need to be talked about anymore. Gosh, I just wish I could write music again like I did. But even if I tried to write a song about a dancing unicorn is a field of chocolate skittles, somehow or another it would eventually have a deeper meaning which would tie in with the "thing."

#3 Calvin Crest
Okay, but really now. Who isn't excited about Calvin Crest? I'm ready to get out of this godforsaken town and up the place where I was meant to be. I'm ready for adventure, for new friends, for memories, and maybe for a couple surprises. I'm not excited however, for when it's over and I have to suffer through the two weeks that are going to be the most awkward weeks ever. Like I said, don't ask about it.

#2 My Future
Everyone is asking me, "So have you decided what you want to do after high school?" I mean come on. I'm going to be a Junior, not a college freshmen. Stop bugging me about makes me feel lazy like I should have figured this out as I was coming out of my mother's womb or something. I think my Junior year will decide a lot for me, so the next time someone asks me this, I'm going to shove a blue ballpoint pen up their mouth and tell them to shove off. (Don't be the first, please.)

Number one is untitled because I want it to be. (You'll understand it's kind of a tie in with the "thing" I mentioned earlier.) I'm tired of worrying about it and I'm tired of feeling guilty. I want you out of my mind and out of my hair. I'm sick of thinking about you and thinking about what I did wrong. I stuck myself into a position I wasn't comfortable with and ended up getting hurt. Now I can't trust people like I wanted to, I can't picture myself in to the future, and I'll never be able to talk to you again without it being awkward. No, it will never be the same. It'll never be what it was.

And even now, when I might think that someone could possibly come in and possibly be what you almost were, I'm discouraged again. I'm tired of remembering you. I'm tired of remembering what we were.

"You'll be okay."

Respectfully submitted,