Slowing myself down

Saturday, August 30, 2008

What a challenge.
Life is flying by.

I can't believe I'm already going to start my third week of school. Junior year is into full swing, and all the glory that follows it. Trig, Tennis, Student council, etc.

Life is becoming busy.

I find myself missing the good ol' days of summer. Relaxing, and not having to worry about pretty much anything. I miss the simple life at calvin crest, the amazing people I met, and the laughter we shared.

Going from an environment where everyone seems to understand me, and I'm open with all of my team and my friends, to a environment called "high school" is a transition I don't enjoy. I don't find my circle of friends to be the same kind of atmosphere I had this summer.

Everyone is like, "go now. Go fast. Get this done, get this done faster." This summer I got to go at my own pace. All together now it seems as if things are speeding up like a multi-lane highway. I have a million and one things to do, but the number one thing I want to do is slow down. Take it easy. Take a break.

Somehow I don't have time for that.
Because I'm so busy.

I came close to having a breakdown during tennis practice the other day, simply because I was overwhelmed with everything going on. Between balancing school, sports, my family, and church stuff I had so much stuff to do in so little time. It affects my game, and I really didn't feel like myself anymore. I found myself wanting to call the AIMers and just sit under the stars and talk like we used to.

It was open.
It was simple.
It was pure.

Or hanging out in the kitchen with Rebs, and talking about everything and anything. I almost found myself calling her that night, but I ran into trouble with my trig homework, and didn't have time. Our heart-to-hearts were some of the best memories I can remember. We'd talk about school, youth group, sports, and guys. I trust her a lot, and I love her even more.

So what is stopping me from finding someone like that in my own school? Yes I have friends I trust, and love, but somehow I think they would judge me if I really let my heart spill out. It's a fear I have, and I don't want to risk it. An old saying goes "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," and I'm okay with that.

As much as I want to spill my heart out to someone,
I don't think I've found the right person.

Let me go back.
I need a break.

"I'll hold your hand, and walk with you. There'll be a smile on my face, and a smile on you. And I will see you again..."

Respectfully submitted,