The End (for now).

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

My room is empty.

My bags are packed.
The walls are white and clean.

Sheets have been pulled off mattresses, clothes removed from drawers and desks deep cleaned.
The sound of car horns and luggage rolling down the hill are present.

The semester is over.

I'm sitting here, deep into my last night at Westmont as a first-year, my last night in Clark K, and my last few hours of the school year. And I'm in disbelief.

Time flew. It's been quite the whirlwind of a year, filled with just about everything that your first year in college can hold. I've made the most amazing friends I could ever have asked for, did ridiculous things, laughed till I couldn't feel my stomach, cried till my eyes were soaked, and grew. I grew so, so much this year.

I'm such a different person now than I was a year ago. Regardless if that's reflected on the outside, I've shifted and molded so much on the inside. And I love it. I love the independence, the faith I've rediscovered, and the joy I find in life. Westmont is an amazing place, and it's a bit ironic that just as I leave for summer, I find myself truly being able to call this place home. It took this long, but it was worth it.

Maybe leaving that place and finding that you have these raw emotions, deep swellings of sadness and memories that bubble to the surface...questions about keeping in contact in the summer and plans for the fall, worries about what will last and what will not - all of that really makes you realize that whatever place you are leaving has left quite the imprint on your heart. Westmont has ironed it's patch of "home-away-from-home" into me, just as I begin to leave. And the emotions are here. I've never felt such a paradox of emotions before, but they are all rocking to the waves of my heart...never seeming to be at rest.

To be completely honest, I'm very scared for the next few months. Change has never been the best aspect of my life, but coming to college and meeting/forming friendships with the people here has been one of the greater changes in my life. Now leaving that, and applying what I have learned to where I came from will bring new changes into my life once again.

Change is a strange thing...but I hold fast to the idea that growing so much this year has done more for me than simply mature me. I am able to do this. I am able to handle life away from Westmont-land and the lovely people here. I will learn to adapt (such a valuable skill nowadays) and move forward in the life God has called me to.

Faith has been the strongest theme in my life this semester. God and I have grown together, and He has revealed marvelous things to me during my time as a first year. What then, do I have to fear? None. None at all. The change that comes in yet another spectacular and mind-blowing discovery from my heavenly father. Together, we will face the next changes in my life, and then return back to this "home" in the fall, with the people I love, the faith I can't live without, and new opportunities to continue this growth.

So, this is the end. least for now.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

Respectfully submitted,