Midsummer Realities.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

It's 10pm on the Wednesday night of week 5.

My mind is jumbled and seemingly out of place right now.

I'm slowly coming to realize that camp is flying by. I have 3 1/2 more weeks until it's over. Seeing that, realizing that and coming to terms with that makes my stomach turn. I don't want it to end. I want it to last forever, but when I look at the upcoming events in my life, I feel a tug to leave and move on.

This summer has been incredible.
Basically, everything I really needed.

However, not everything has gone the way I initially thought it would.
God has placed a lot of my heart this summer.
He has been pushing me back toward Him, and teaching me to earnestly seek after Him.

Through everything I've learned, one has stuck in my mind far, far, above all others. It is probably the strongest message I've gotten from Him, and I am struggling through it, but all the while, realizing this is what I've needed the most for a long time.

Love is patient.

These three words have been some of the only in my head for the past weeks. Reminding myself of this constantly, meditating on it, and knowing that this is what God wants me to focus on as of the moment.

Patience requires dedication, forgiveness, and space. It is the push to take a step back and let things run their course, the action of letting go of control and letting someone with a greater plan continue to do their work. It is one of the many things I struggle with constantly, but I am learning so much about being patient in love this summer.

Expectations were not fulfilled. Things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, or so I thought. Upon the ideal that I had once again fooled myself the same way I had so many times before, God stepped in, knocked me down, stared me straight in the eyes and said "Leah, my beloved, be patient." It was a bit surreal. It was almost audible, but it was in such an unreal manner that I know it was from my heavenly father.

I want things to happen, I want the dreams to unfold, but the ever-present fact is that my wants do not matter. When I truly submit my life to my heavenly father, they will come. In time. When I am patient, when I let go, when I let You take these dreams and desires and watch You draw them in Your beautiful design in Your time.

Love is patient, and I trust, I legitimately trust with my whole being that it will be worth it.

The frustration I find in waiting, and constantly waiting, and thinking something might actually happen, and realizing that I just need to wait some more - that frustration and the tears will serve as a reminder that I need to stay patient. That is my prayer for this summer. Patience in the face of frustration and lost dreams and broken hearts and head-shaking "I-told-you-so" moments. In those moments, I pray that God gives me patience. And that through this patience, I learn about the dedication and humbleness that comes with it.

Love is patient.
And so, I will be as well.

Respectfully submitted,