Wednesday, August 31, 2011

This place feels all too familiar.

The faces, the atmosphere, the DC food, chapels, and hiking around campus.
The sunny weather, the sound of the shuttle making it's way up Page hill, the misty mornings and beautiful sunsets.

But the feelings within me are ones I haven't experienced since being at Westmont.
Feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, and an ache for home.
A bit of my soul doesn't feel right here.

Nobody told me that sophomore year was going to feel like this.

But then again, I don't think anybody had the responsibility to tell me that obviously sophomore year would be different from freshman year. It's a fact that's assumed. And somehow, I managed to make myself believe that I could come back to Westmont and see everything exactly the same as I did a year ago.

That's not true.
And now, I'm seeing that face-to-face.

I know I changed this summer. I know I grew, I learned, I accepted and I'm not the same person I was when I left this place in May. I forgot to account in my mind that this transformation was not only occurring in my life, but in the life of many friends and acquaintances I had from the year past. How could I think that life at Westmont would not change after 4 months apart from these people?

I am not unhappy here, I am just going through a bit of...shock with how expectations for this year have already fell apart. That does not mean that this rut I seem to be in will reflect how the rest of this semester will play out, but it's not the way I wanted to start it off.

I spent some time in prayer last night, asking God for peace, and understanding. Understanding that this is where I have been called, and where I need to be right now, understanding that would lead to the peace I seem to so easily have lost. I need to be reminded of the Lord's faithfulness, of His everlasting love to those who earnestly seek after Him, and the comfort that can only be found in Him, and Him alone.

Pray for me.
Pray for this school, my friends, and the sticky transition I seem to have found myself in. Prayer is the most powerful weapon I have in this battle, and I plan on putting it to good use.

This is not the end, nor anything I need to worry about.
I will meditate on peace tonight.


"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Let your hearts not be troubled, and do not be afraid."

Respectfully submitted,